Saturday, May 15, 2010

groundhog day

wake up woodchuck chuckers, it's groundhog day!

I know a lot of you are toiling away for the man, and probably didn't realize that monday fell on a holiday this year*, and I'd like to formally apologize for the lack of observation of groundhog day by pretty much anyone. however, those of us basking in the sunlight right now** would like to extend you the warm suntanned hand of fellowship, and invite you to the extra-cool-non-old-and-semi-attractive man house (formally the old man house) for some prime viewing of a movie made in honor of this glorious day.

who can turn down the opportunity to hear rejoinders such as, "people like blood sausage. people are idiots.", or "don't drive angry, don't drive angry", or my personal favorite, "don't mess with me pork chop, what day is it?"

groundhog day. tonight, 8:00 PM sharp (this old man needs his sleep). the aforementioned men-of-semi-desirable-qualities house (address).

I know what you're thinking. some of you had your email composed, ready to chastise me for breaking the list guidelines (again) and spamming you with meaningless banter. ha. there's no rule about coupling meaningless banter with an invite. some of you are wondering why the running back for the bengals is hitting the lds list***. some of you are shocked that I would compete with fhe (I'll confess here that I can't remember the last time I went...sorry bishop, and I feel guilty that I don't feel guilty). but most of you (and these are the desirable ones) are now salivating in blessed anticipation of a memorable movie night, and the endless possibilities of awkwardness that I always offer.


p.s. let me state for the record that I have spent the better part of the past three months using all of my self restraint from hitting reply-all on some of the precious gems that have crossed my desk from the lds list direction. let me take a moment to address a few:

a) liz, I was happy to hear about the lady's basketball night. what if you're a man, and you play basketball like a girl****? can I still come?
b) dave, we all feel bettered for having helped you find your housing direction in life.
c) margie, I once sang hotel california for the cafeteria in high school. I'm totally willing to repeat that experience, as I think my voice has risen in the meantime (see (a) for further evidence of femininity*****), making it possible for me to actually hit the high notes.
d) derek, thank you soooo much for the invitation to the 3d avatar chat.

*this expression is nonsense, but I'm too lazy to try and replace it.
**lies. I'm in the basement of a library.
***chris perry the running back is slightly more desirable than chris perry the b-average student with above average bmi (though we were born on the same day, and I think my gpa is still higher).
****lies again. girls are sooooo much better than me.
*****I know, I know, that just lost me any prospects I might have had.

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